Speed Dating Anyone?

I have never enjoyed dating. I think it’s superficial and pretentious.  You go on a date and try to look your best, be your best and try your best.  You order the right food, speak the right words and try to pretend that you are as natural as the lemon in your processed red iced tea.  In other words, you try to deceive the other person while convincing yourself that you can carry on this charade for as long as it takes.

Let’s just say you’re single and dateless on a Friday night where most of your officemates will be out with their romantic partners and someone invites you to a Speed Dating Event. Would you go?  First, these are the directions…

1. You need to be at a certain age bracket – like 20 to 30 years old. 

 Me:  I’m in. But that’s a young crowd, I would think that a 20 year old would not want to speed his/her dating moments.  And only till 30?  I think it’s the 30’s and above who need to go fast on their dating schedules or they will truly be left behind. 

2.You only have 5 minutes to introduce yourself and carry on a conversation.

Me:  Ok, I can do that.  I talk fast and I think fast.  I think that I could also be able to carry an interesting conversation about anything on this planet in more or less 5 minutes.

3. You have to start by telling your name and telling why you here on a Friday night.

Me:  Do I have to tell my real name?  Can’t I just give a random name just in case it didn't work out and he turns out to be a stalker?  At least, I can always say that it’s my twin he met on the dating event and not me. 

4.You have to tell your dates in not more than 3 sentences what they could possibly hate about you and you should never try to justify your bad behavior.

Me:  This sounds weird.  I thought that the idea of going on a date is to impress the other person and not to shock them with your bad manners and upsetting behavior.  I think this comes after… after you have been committed to each other at least.

5.  Then, you have to tell them in not more than 3 sentences what makes you fascinating and why they should get personal with you.

Me:  Are you sure its only 3 sentences and not more?  For one, I have so many “fascinating” traits you cannot begin to imagine.  And second, why, after telling him awful facts about me and giving him ideas to run from me, do I have to sum up in 3 sentences why they should do otherwise. Beside, do these things really work?  What are the success rates of these event by the way?

"Hi I’m Juday, which you must know is not my real name. I’m here because I’m doing investigative journalism on why young, attractive, single women spend their Friday nights on events like this and whether one can really find smart decent guys doing speedating.  I would think that you’re here because its cheaper and economically time saving to spend on one ticket dating 10 women in one night than doing it one day at a time.  But that’s just my opinion.  Anyways, I’m a lazy woman.  I do not like physical activities and sports.  I am a habitual late comer, always coming notoriously late on events and dates. I am very opinionated and I love to argue.  If I had a gun, I would shoot any guy who tries to impress me by coming to my house or office without my permission.

On the other hand, I love to cook.  I am well read, well informed and well traveled (at least here in the Philippines).  I have a very good sense of humor and I don’t mind paying half on dates.

I think I just about used up my 5 minutes.  Don’t worry, I wouldn’t really remember your name, and just for the record, I am not in this event and if you insist that I was, it was for the sake of truthful journalism.  Thanks for the experience."