We all live in a delusion that life is a fairytale. That falling in love is the be all and end all of our existence. Afterall, you are destined to find that someone, get married, have children, grow old and have anniversaries. Movies say so, songs say so, even your harpy gossip-loving married female neighbor seems to think so.
So why don’t you?
I recently read an article by Terry Macmillan (bestselling author and writer for Mad Men, thrice divorced btw) listing the reasons why you are not married. Here is the link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-mcmillan/why-youre-not-married_b_822088.html
And while the reasons (you’re a bitch, you’re shallow, you’re a slut, you’re a liar, you’re selfish and maybe even not good enough) may be true, it hurts to hear it from a woman.
Did she really think that the only reason we can’t find love or get married is because there is something wrong with us?
Forget that some men are liars, cheaters and quite simply commitmentphobe. Forget that the word “marriage” is a sure fire way to make men avoid you like a flu. Forget that lots of men has the “love ‘em and leave ‘em attitude” and that half of the failed relationships we know of are caused by... men.
Of course I have to accept that as a human, I have been one of those at some point in my life. I’m not an angel, but I’m sure that being shallow/bitch/selfish (and I smell some double standards here) in some situations is not the reason I’m single.
There is nothing wrong with my current status. In fact, there’s a rightness to it that women, who seem to think they can’t exist alone, can’t seem to grasp.
What the article is saying is that we are alone and probably lonely because we are unsuitable. And the underlying message here is that, we don’t deserve it. Our attributes (too ambitious, translation “bitch”) are utterly unlikeable that men won’t even consider taking us seriously.
Which I think is a whole lot of wrong. My mother never taught me to be strong, determined and confident just to play needy with some guy so he can like me. I don’t need to tone down qualities and values that I have been instilled since childhood (loyalty, independence, etc.) and that I have worked so hard to develop just so I can fit guy’s idea of a meek and sensitive girl.
And I certainly don’t need Terry Macmillan telling me so. I just hope that she has much more better things to do than telling women like me to change and follow society’s expectation.
And I know that life is not a fairytale. Prince Charming ain’t on a horse and galloping to my rescue. But I can sure dream about it. How else would I survive my boring romance free existence?
Let me end this one with a quote from recently single, Demi Moore:
"It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that I have decided to end my six-year marriage to Ashton. As a woman, a mother and a wife there are certain values and vows that I hold sacred, and it is in this spirit that I have chosen to move forward with my life.
There's the subtle dig to Ashton that says “I’m leaving you because while I have been faithful to this marriage, you have not”.
Clearly, this is one failed relationship where the fault lies with the guy. Way to go ex mrs.kutcher!