Skip to main content

The Illussions of Mr. Christian Grey

Ok, I think it’s time we talk about Fifty Shades and Mr. Christian Grey.

I’ve read the first book and  I’m putting the others on my ever growing list of “books I should read when I’m bored or lonely”

But I’ve read spoilers on how the series end and I’m not surprised.  Romance novels tend to have the same happily ever after endings.

Let me just say that I hope to hell that a guy like that do NOT exist.

Here’s why:

Guys like him give us hope.  But a FALSE hope.

I’ve learned in life that bad guys don’t change.  They may become sweet, generous and attentive one moment but you can be assured that they would turn back to their old true selves again at the slightest provocation.

Chances are, unless you’re a pro (psychologist, psychiatrist or any kind of therapist) do not attempt to do some sort of counseling to change these guys.

I’m not saying it’s impossible.  What I’m saying is that it would require a big risk, years of hard work, effort,  frustration, tears and tons of patience on your part.  And he has to be willing of course.

What women don’t realize is that they’ve got no control on every situation and the future.

What happens when you do something that gets him jealous?  When he feels bothered and irritated?  When you disagree with him?

And a guy who finds pleasure in hurting you?  What’s up with that?

How many of these optimistic women ended up beaten or dead in the hands of their partners?  I’m almost afraid to find out.

I think a lot of these issues are rooted on how women view themselves.

Most women think they can’t do better.  And if a guy is young, impossibly good looking and rich, what’s the harm in trying and forgiving again and again right?

I recently came across an article by Margaret Wheeler Johnson  from the Huffington Post that gives this advice:

“If you're even remotely considering moving in with or marrying someone because you're afraid you can't do better, find and talk to a friend who's had a near miss. Corner someone who got out of a relationship that had everything going for it except the most important things. Have coffee with a runaway bride. While that person is telling you the story, inhale. That's the scent of pure relief.

Then wait to meet the person you're sure about -- not because they're there but because they're them.”

A lot of women think that catching a great guy is a once in a lifetime chance that they are even willing to suffer for it.  So what if he has an explosive temper, controlling attitude and trust issues?

What’s a little physical and emotional abuse? 

Some women think that if they stay long enough in such relationships, the guy will eventually change.


Toxic relationships, no matter how good a catch the man is, will never feel right.

It may feel good at times but it will never give you that sense of peace and security that a normal, healthy relationship delivers.

And every woman deserves a good, loving man.

My message is simple: Stay away from bad guys…even if they profess to love you.

A man who really loves you will trust you to make your own decisions and allow you to grow.  He will not try to change or control you.  He will not wish to hurt you in any way possible (with or without consent).

You do not need to think of safe words when you’re with him.

And we should also extend the same courtesy to the men we love.

Quit looking for a lost, twisted, damaged boy and expect him to change and act like a normal well-adjusted partner.

Guys like him do not exist in the real world. 

That is why we have romance fiction and characters like Christian Grey... to fan the flame of our dreams and save us from the harshness of reality.  In other words, to entertain us and nothing more.

Please do not be misled.

But if reading gives you hope, then I’m all for it.  Just don’t expect the same happy ending.


And since we are on this topic... my sister and I were having a funny moment at a thrift bookshop:

Shades of Gray without Fifty?

And my vote to play Mr. Christian Grey?  Who else but my man - Matthew Bomer.  And I don't care that he's gay.  (Please see previous post here).

Enjoy it ladies, but please do not forget that he's a fictional character.  


Popular posts from this blog

The English Patient

There are movie lines...

And then, there are "the movie lines"

The English Patient is one of my all time favorite movie.  It stars the oh-so-mysterious Ralph Fiennes as Count Almasy (who incidentally is also a real person).

It is based on a novel of the same title by Michael Ondaatje (which is also one of my fave writers).

Michael's writing can be described as "imaginative and whimsical."  He likes to write stories about the ravages of war and the interesting people living it.

He also writes about relationships and betrayal.
 "Betrayals in war are childlike compared with our betrayals during peace. New lovers are nervous and tender, but smash everything. For the heart is an organ of fire." And of course, love.

This movie has "the movie lines" to die for.

Almasy to Katherine:  "Swoon, I'll catch you"
If only this statement can be trusted. If only guys are all like this in real life.

My Bestfriend's Wedding

I hate weddings because it’s one of those times that I am reminded of my solitary existence. See related post here.
Which is why I do not understand fate’s insistence that I become a bridesmaid four times over and maid of honor this time around.

This time was a friend’s wedding.A much deserved celebration fora couple who has gone through so much.

I was made to give a speech as a Maid of Honor and I guess in my haze and hunger, I talked about friendship, made some jokes and such.I know I talk a lot but my thoughts are clearer and much more meaningful when written, so I’d like to put a much more meaningful message here:

Dear Cha,

I wanted to find out when we became friends so I searched thru my email to find some clue. I learned that you first emailed me July 2007.About the practicum arrangements which was a requirement for our Master’s.  This started a series of long conversations - on love, life and laughing moments.

How time has flown.Back then, we were so eager to learn, to go back to sch…

Barrio Fiesta - A reunion

I am proud to be a part of a family that values its family heritage. It has been our family tradition to hold a grand reunion every 3 years. For me, this signifies a commitment to stay in touch and get to know one’s relatives. Reunions provide us a sense of belonging as well as offer a chance to look back at our family history. It is a great time for the elders and the younger generation to meet and spend time together.

Last April 10 and 11, our family held their grand family reunion at Candon, Ilocos Sur.  It was a star studded event participated by relatives from Baguio, Manila and other provincial locations. Even those living abroad flew in to celebrate this event. 

The Manila chapter (mostly the Medina side) were in full force consisting of our dear Nanay Naty and 6 of her children, several grandchildren and even great grandchildren.

The theme for this reunion was “Barrio Fiesta”. Participants were requested to be in their best Filipino attire and those who did not follow were fined…