The Illussions of Mr. Christian Grey
Ok, I think it’s time we talk about Fifty Shades and Mr. Christian Grey.
I’ve read the first book and I’m putting the others on my ever growing list of “books I should read when I’m bored or lonely”
But I’ve read spoilers on how the series end and I’m not surprised. Romance novels tend to have the same happily ever after endings.
Let me just say that I hope to hell that a guy like that do NOT exist.
Here’s why:
Guys like him give us hope. But a FALSE hope.
I’ve learned in life that bad guys don’t change. They may become sweet, generous and attentive one moment but you can be assured that they would turn back to their old true selves again at the slightest provocation.
Chances are, unless you’re a pro (psychologist, psychiatrist or any kind of therapist) do not attempt to do some sort of counseling to change these guys.
I’m not saying it’s impossible. What I’m saying is that it would require a big risk, years of hard work, effort, frustration, tears and tons of patience on your part. And he has to be willing of course.
What women don’t realize is that they’ve got no control on every situation and the future.
What happens when you do something that gets him jealous? When he feels bothered and irritated? When you disagree with him?
And a guy who finds pleasure in hurting you? What’s up with that?
How many of these optimistic women ended up beaten or dead in the hands of their partners? I’m almost afraid to find out.
I think a lot of these issues are rooted on how women view themselves.
Most women think they can’t do better. And if a guy is young, impossibly good looking and rich, what’s the harm in trying and forgiving again and again right?
I recently came across an article by Margaret Wheeler Johnson from the Huffington Post that gives this advice:
“If you're even remotely considering moving in with or marrying someone because you're afraid you can't do better, find and talk to a friend who's had a near miss. Corner someone who got out of a relationship that had everything going for it except the most important things. Have coffee with a runaway bride. While that person is telling you the story, inhale. That's the scent of pure relief.
Then wait to meet the person you're sure about -- not because they're there but because they're them.”
A lot of women think that catching a great guy is a once in a lifetime chance that they are even willing to suffer for it. So what if he has an explosive temper, controlling attitude and trust issues?
What’s a little physical and emotional abuse?
Some women think that if they stay long enough in such relationships, the guy will eventually change.
Wrong.
Toxic relationships, no matter how good a catch the man is, will never feel right.
It may feel good at times but it will never give you that sense of peace and security that a normal, healthy relationship delivers.
And every woman deserves a good, loving man.
My message is simple: Stay away from bad guys…even if they profess to love you.
A man who really loves you will trust you to make your own decisions and allow you to grow. He will not try to change or control you. He will not wish to hurt you in any way possible (with or without consent).
You do not need to think of safe words when you’re with him.
And we should also extend the same courtesy to the men we love.
Quit looking for a lost, twisted, damaged boy and expect him to change and act like a normal well-adjusted partner.
Guys like him do not exist in the real world.
That is why we have romance fiction and characters like Christian Grey... to fan the flame of our dreams and save us from the harshness of reality. In other words, to entertain us and nothing more.
Please do not be misled.
But if reading gives you hope, then I’m all for it. Just don’t expect the same happy ending.
****
And since we are on this topic... my sister and I were having a funny moment at a thrift bookshop:
And my vote to play Mr. Christian Grey? Who else but my man - Matthew Bomer. And I don't care that he's gay. (Please see previous post here).
Enjoy it ladies, but please do not forget that he's a fictional character.
I’ve read the first book and I’m putting the others on my ever growing list of “books I should read when I’m bored or lonely”
But I’ve read spoilers on how the series end and I’m not surprised. Romance novels tend to have the same happily ever after endings.
Let me just say that I hope to hell that a guy like that do NOT exist.
Here’s why:
Guys like him give us hope. But a FALSE hope.
I’ve learned in life that bad guys don’t change. They may become sweet, generous and attentive one moment but you can be assured that they would turn back to their old true selves again at the slightest provocation.
Chances are, unless you’re a pro (psychologist, psychiatrist or any kind of therapist) do not attempt to do some sort of counseling to change these guys.
I’m not saying it’s impossible. What I’m saying is that it would require a big risk, years of hard work, effort, frustration, tears and tons of patience on your part. And he has to be willing of course.
What women don’t realize is that they’ve got no control on every situation and the future.
What happens when you do something that gets him jealous? When he feels bothered and irritated? When you disagree with him?
And a guy who finds pleasure in hurting you? What’s up with that?
How many of these optimistic women ended up beaten or dead in the hands of their partners? I’m almost afraid to find out.
I think a lot of these issues are rooted on how women view themselves.
Most women think they can’t do better. And if a guy is young, impossibly good looking and rich, what’s the harm in trying and forgiving again and again right?
I recently came across an article by Margaret Wheeler Johnson from the Huffington Post that gives this advice:
“If you're even remotely considering moving in with or marrying someone because you're afraid you can't do better, find and talk to a friend who's had a near miss. Corner someone who got out of a relationship that had everything going for it except the most important things. Have coffee with a runaway bride. While that person is telling you the story, inhale. That's the scent of pure relief.
Then wait to meet the person you're sure about -- not because they're there but because they're them.”
A lot of women think that catching a great guy is a once in a lifetime chance that they are even willing to suffer for it. So what if he has an explosive temper, controlling attitude and trust issues?
What’s a little physical and emotional abuse?
Some women think that if they stay long enough in such relationships, the guy will eventually change.
Wrong.
Toxic relationships, no matter how good a catch the man is, will never feel right.
It may feel good at times but it will never give you that sense of peace and security that a normal, healthy relationship delivers.
And every woman deserves a good, loving man.
My message is simple: Stay away from bad guys…even if they profess to love you.
A man who really loves you will trust you to make your own decisions and allow you to grow. He will not try to change or control you. He will not wish to hurt you in any way possible (with or without consent).
You do not need to think of safe words when you’re with him.
And we should also extend the same courtesy to the men we love.
Quit looking for a lost, twisted, damaged boy and expect him to change and act like a normal well-adjusted partner.
Guys like him do not exist in the real world.
That is why we have romance fiction and characters like Christian Grey... to fan the flame of our dreams and save us from the harshness of reality. In other words, to entertain us and nothing more.
Please do not be misled.
But if reading gives you hope, then I’m all for it. Just don’t expect the same happy ending.
****
And since we are on this topic... my sister and I were having a funny moment at a thrift bookshop:
 |
| Shades of Gray without Fifty? |
And my vote to play Mr. Christian Grey? Who else but my man - Matthew Bomer. And I don't care that he's gay. (Please see previous post here).
Enjoy it ladies, but please do not forget that he's a fictional character.
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