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To the Pro and Anti Friendzone Movements



Guys always complain about being friendzoned.  Interestingly, I have never heard the same complaint from women.  If guys think being friendzoned is bad, how about  the women who are on the other side of that zone?

 But what other side is that?  Let us just call it for the moment, the “more than friend zone”.

 Picture this scenario:

You meet a decent guy. He seems harmless enough so you warm up to him. You like the same things so you started to do fun things together like movies, late night dinner, videogames, biking, etc.  You meet for coffee nights to talk about your exes and laugh about other people.  You listen to him bitch about love and work and give him advice. This goes on for months and then he complains that you treat him so much as a friend.  Because that is not what he is and he wants so much more.  He complains of being friendzoned.  And you are stuck in a world where you are the villain and he the sad, abused victim.

But is he really the victim? I don’t think so. I think that this is a perfect case of misrepresentation, from the guy’s side.

 He came into your life as a friend.  He treated you as a friend, hence you  trusted him enough to be one.

Then it seems that it was not his intention at all.  All the while, he wanted something else.  He wanted for the two of you to be more than friends.

Well, why not say and act like it from the beginning?  What’s wrong with being frank and honest about your intention in the first place?  In fact, what is wrong with simply talking about it?

Why lure us into thinking that you have just become our best buddy? Why give us the comfort of believing we have found a nice perfect friend of the opposite sex?   

Why shatter our belief that, yes, men and women can actually be friends?

I had my own (embarrassing) personal experience related to this.  A few years ago, I attended a get together with some friends from school.  It has been a couple of years that we have not seen each other. So while in the middle of reminiscing about our younger but less attractive and more destructive selves, they suddenly became extra weird and excited when a story about me and a certain guy friend, (let us call him Rob) who was also present was mentioned:

Friend (while smirking and in his super kinikilig voice):  Uy, Bani and Rob.  Wow!
Me:  Huh?  What about us?  We were good friends.  We still are.  Right Rob?
Friend:  Friends?  Friends lang?  Di kaya.  You were an item back then.  Both of you used to go hang out a lot and we often see the two of you together.
Me:  No we’re not. We.are.just.friends.
Rob:  Uh, actually Bani, I liked you then.  I was actually courting you over those coffee dates.
Me:  Dates?  I didn’t know they were dates.  I thought you just liked to talk over coffee.  And you courted me?  Di kaya halata!
Rob:  Should I say sorry?  I thought you knew… I told everyone na basted mo ko.
Me:  So I’m a villain now?  I thought I was being a great friend. 
Awkward silence from everyone who suddenly became busy with their food.

See that?  I apparently brushed him off, wasted his perfectly good efforts and honest intentions and quite possibly broke his heart without knowing it.

I either have super powers or I belong in hell. 

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