Skip to main content

To the Pro and Anti Friendzone Movements

Guys always complain about being friendzoned.  Interestingly, I have never heard the same complaint from women.  If guys think being friendzoned is bad, how about  the women who are on the other side of that zone?

 But what other side is that?  Let us just call it for the moment, the “more than friend zone”.

 Picture this scenario:

You meet a decent guy. He seems harmless enough so you warm up to him. You like the same things so you started to do fun things together like movies, late night dinner, videogames, biking, etc.  You meet for coffee nights to talk about your exes and laugh about other people.  You listen to him bitch about love and work and give him advice. This goes on for months and then he complains that you treat him so much as a friend.  Because that is not what he is and he wants so much more.  He complains of being friendzoned.  And you are stuck in a world where you are the villain and he the sad, abused victim.

But is he really the victim? I don’t think so. I think that this is a perfect case of misrepresentation, from the guy’s side.

 He came into your life as a friend.  He treated you as a friend, hence you  trusted him enough to be one.

Then it seems that it was not his intention at all.  All the while, he wanted something else.  He wanted for the two of you to be more than friends.

Well, why not say and act like it from the beginning?  What’s wrong with being frank and honest about your intention in the first place?  In fact, what is wrong with simply talking about it?

Why lure us into thinking that you have just become our best buddy? Why give us the comfort of believing we have found a nice perfect friend of the opposite sex?   

Why shatter our belief that, yes, men and women can actually be friends?

I had my own (embarrassing) personal experience related to this.  A few years ago, I attended a get together with some friends from school.  It has been a couple of years that we have not seen each other. So while in the middle of reminiscing about our younger but less attractive and more destructive selves, they suddenly became extra weird and excited when a story about me and a certain guy friend, (let us call him Rob) who was also present was mentioned:

Friend (while smirking and in his super kinikilig voice):  Uy, Bani and Rob.  Wow!
Me:  Huh?  What about us?  We were good friends.  We still are.  Right Rob?
Friend:  Friends?  Friends lang?  Di kaya.  You were an item back then.  Both of you used to go hang out a lot and we often see the two of you together.
Me:  No we’re not. We.are.just.friends.
Rob:  Uh, actually Bani, I liked you then.  I was actually courting you over those coffee dates.
Me:  Dates?  I didn’t know they were dates.  I thought you just liked to talk over coffee.  And you courted me?  Di kaya halata!
Rob:  Should I say sorry?  I thought you knew… I told everyone na basted mo ko.
Me:  So I’m a villain now?  I thought I was being a great friend. 
Awkward silence from everyone who suddenly became busy with their food.

See that?  I apparently brushed him off, wasted his perfectly good efforts and honest intentions and quite possibly broke his heart without knowing it.

I either have super powers or I belong in hell. 


Popular posts from this blog

The English Patient

There are movie lines...

And then, there are "the movie lines"

The English Patient is one of my all time favorite movie.  It stars the oh-so-mysterious Ralph Fiennes as Count Almasy (who incidentally is also a real person).

It is based on a novel of the same title by Michael Ondaatje (which is also one of my fave writers).

Michael's writing can be described as "imaginative and whimsical."  He likes to write stories about the ravages of war and the interesting people living it.

He also writes about relationships and betrayal.
 "Betrayals in war are childlike compared with our betrayals during peace. New lovers are nervous and tender, but smash everything. For the heart is an organ of fire." And of course, love.

This movie has "the movie lines" to die for.

Almasy to Katherine:  "Swoon, I'll catch you"
If only this statement can be trusted. If only guys are all like this in real life.


Singapore is so much like Makati -- tall buildings, fast people & talkative Filipino yuppies. Not so much sights but then again, we were there to overspend on pasalubongs and go retail shopping. I don't want to brag, but between here and Manila, Manila wins hands down (on my own standards). :-)

Our hotel was located at Orchard Rd. and it has (thankfully) Starbucks at the groundfloor. We went down one night only to realize that coffee (as with cigarrettes) is so much more pricey there.

Athough, I must say, the air is worth breathing and the streets are super clean. Thank God for countries who respect the rights of non smokers to nice, clean air.

Lingerie, baby steps and women's liberation

If you ever heard the saying "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" then you can relate to this post.

In Saudi, a 2006 law banning men from working in female apparel and cosmetic stores has never been implemented due to various conservative groups who are opposed to the idea of women working in common areas visited by men and women, like malls.

Finally, the government has decided to enforce this law effective this month after long standing protests by Saudi women.

Strict Saudi law prohibits mingling of unrelated men and women.

Which kind of makes it awkward for women to be accompanied by male relatives in buying their intimate wear from men behind the counter.

"I and many other women like me were always embarrassed to walk into lingerie shops because men were selling the goods," said Saudi shopper Samar Mohammed.

She said that in the past she often bought the wrong underwear "because I was sensitive about explaining what I wanted to a man."
Saudi w…